Fresh after losing someone you love, the support you receive can be life changing. Most of it is incredibly needed, and some of it can be… not so much? But there are three things I really needed to hear the first few months of my grief. I didn’t know I needed to hear this at the time. But even if I did, would I have been able ask for the help that I needed? That is another chapter in grief we can tackle another day 😉 For now, read on to learn the three things I really needed to hear while grieving:
Things I Really Needed to Hear While Grieving
1. My person’s name.
And just like that I could never hear his voice again. So don’t stop speaking his name and story now, too. Bringing their name up will never “make us sad” or “upset”. They are never not on our minds. Every second of the day. Speaking about them only validates our feelings and lets us love on them another time that we really need.
2. That I could rest exactly how I needed to, and with no judgement.
I received so much judgment for the way I was deciding to rest from my trauma. Rest my literal nervous system as well. All while keeping to myself. Being called lazy and annoying, during the middle of a global pandemic mind you. Words that contributed to me further isolating myself and feeling dangerously misunderstood. Feeling like there is no one to relate, like no one will understand this pain that has taken over your life, even though they say that they do, can be incredibly damaging. Oh how I wish I had the strength to realize that grief can affect a person so wholly. And that yes people are there that can understand.
3. That my sadness was not and will never be a nuisance.
Just a few months post loss I was told I was “different” now, that some of my friends missed the “old” Shelby, that I seemed cold, that I wasn’t the same. That seeing me rest so much was obnoxious. That posting pictures of him now was concerning. This grief was not my choice, but someone not having enough space or understanding for it was. I started to think I will never be loved the same. Because of this thing that happened to me. But worse, to him.
We grievers know so many people don’t understand the journey because it’s so painful to put themselves in those shoes. Almost like, your mind won't let you imagine what's too painful right? So people can't understand grief, or some don't try. But as grievers, we need you to try. We know you'll never understand. Just as we'll never understand when you'll need support. But the effort is what matters. We need grace, and leniency. Empathy and patience. Reassurance, and love. That we are more than this horrible thing we had no choice to be a part of.
Thank you for sticking around for the three things I really needed to hear while grieving. If this feels like you, please know, there was a time I was scared to wake up in the morning too. And today, if you can believe it I do smile. I can take deep breaths again. I've reconnected with friends I isolated myself from. I've travelled back to old places. I've fallen in love with my childhood friend. I say his name daily, and it makes me feel better. There will be a light at the end of your tunnel. Five years later and I can finally see the light again in mine. Whether we reach that end or not.
I hope reading a little bit of my journey helps you to feel like you have someone to relate to too. You're never alone.
If you are interested in learning more about grief support organizations today I have gathered a list at our website here. This list is easy to navigate with direct links to websites, social media channels, target age ranges, and even mission statements. I didn't think to look for organizations such as these during such a difficult time. Sometimes, you can't see the light until you are ready for it. Take everything with a grain of salt on your healing journey. No one knows what you are going through except for you.
If you'd like to support our cause and help us donate to as many mental health and grief organizations as possible please, please, please do so! Follow the link here and every single penny counts to help others feel less alone on their journey!
And let me know in the comments:
What did you need to hear while you were grieving?
Love,
Marigold Moon
by Shelby Putlak
P.S. Do not hesitate to reach out with any questions, concerns, or to share your own story. Be sure to visit our blog page Tell Their Story to read memories of our community's loved ones. And if you'd like to submit your own, email us directly at marigoldmooncontact@gmail.com with the subject line "Tell Their Story". We can't wait to honor your loved one together.
Comentarios